Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
