There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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