You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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