So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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