Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
