Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
