does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
