I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
