I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
