I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
