we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize