dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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