Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
