Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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