I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
