He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
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Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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