Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
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You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
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So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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