drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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