Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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