i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
