my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
