Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
MIDGETS
????
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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