I faked an abortion last night.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
