Is it because I queefed?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
