i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
