i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
