There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
