just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That accounts for only three of the penises
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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