my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i think im in europe. pls send help
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
