i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
