ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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