If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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