"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
