It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
