Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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