you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
