In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
