i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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