What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
