I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
