My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
