drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
