I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How does one acquire holy water?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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