What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
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