i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
