It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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