I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
