woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
