this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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