So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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