Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
