i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
