im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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