I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think your dad took our porno
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
