Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
