allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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