You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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