You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
