Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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