i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
