just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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