Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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