yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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