and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
