rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
